I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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