Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
