I will die if light touches me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
