Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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