I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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