Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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