I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
