dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
