Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
