roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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