Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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