Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
