I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
