Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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