You're so nebulous sometimes
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
