My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
