Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
