I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
