Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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