I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
