time to smoke my breakfast
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
foreskin is a definite game changer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
