I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
