The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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