Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
