I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
