You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
