i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
