I was born with a shot glass in my hand
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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