is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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