Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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