does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
