you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
