the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
