Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think i peed on brittanys purse
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
