I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
