I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
