I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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