i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
