i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
