Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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