i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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