you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
