I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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