Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
