will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
