there's paper in my vomit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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