So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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