My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
