dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's the barista slut.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
