I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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