Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
